


Reminiscing My Love For You

by brokenhighways, Mercury22



Category: Hit the Floor (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Amnesia, Angst with a Happy Ending, Car Chases, Declarations Of Love, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Paparazzi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:00:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25767088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokenhighways/pseuds/brokenhighways, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mercury22/pseuds/Mercury22
Summary: Jude’s left suffering with amnesia after Zero’s reckless driving lands them in the hospital, causing Zero to recount the highs and lows of their relationship in an attempt to revive his memory.
Relationships: Jude Kinkade/Zero | Gideon
Comments: 73
Kudos: 92





	1. Outrunning the Paparazzi

**Author's Note:**

> I want to thank brokenhighways for her inspiring me to write my first fandom and post. I've been writing for years, but never have had the courage to put my work out there...until now. It was such a pleasure collaborating with her and I appreciate all her help with the editing process and comments to make the story flow. I couldn't have asked for a better co-author! I hope everyone enjoys the story...it's one roller coaster of a ride!

Life has been a whirlwind for Zero and Jude since the famous courtside Kiss on national television at the Devils Arena with 25,000 screaming fans as witnesses. It’s been six months since Zero’s very public declaration of love for Jude and the paparazzi are still rabid in their non-stop infatuation with their relationship.

It’s endless.

Following them on what seems to be every moment of their lives from sunrise to sunset. It’s intrusive, overbearing and it downright pisses Zero off. So many flashes have gone off in his face that he feels like a runway model. The paparazzi are taking photos at every opportunity - on the red carpet, at every charity event and, any Devils events hosted at the Playground.

Zero going to and from practice, at the gym, getting into his Aston Martin. Jude visiting their favorite coffee hangout in the morning to get his mocha latte on his way to the arena, supermarket runs, the dry cleaners, running on the beach, or following him to meetings outside the arena. It’s almost to the point where they’re thinking of changing their looks, Zero going brunette and ditching the hair gel and Jude, in a weak moment, thinking of dyeing his hair blonde before he realized it would be a short term disguise and shuddered at the thought of having to dye his eyebrows the same color.

The word _privacy_ has become a distant memory and Zero is not coping well.

One sunny Saturday afternoon, he’s behind the wheel of his red Aston Martin with Jude in the passenger seat. They’re on the way to a charity golf tournament the Devils are hosting at the prestigious L.A. Country Club. He’s thankful it’s golf and not tennis. The radio’s playing _Drake’s_ , ‘YOLO’ – You Only Live Once, a song with lyrics Zero can relate to about having a carefree and reckless ‘fuck it’ attitude. His thoughts drift back to the early days of their relationship.

When life was carefree, just them holed up at Jude’s apartment, no paparazzi, over-the-top fans or intruders invading their secluded bubble. Enjoying each other’s company, Zero laughing at Jude’s sarcastic wit while calling him out on his bullshit, watching sports on TV and eating five-star take out, scheming ways to get Zero to the top of the Devils as MVP (and eventually team captain) and he’ll never forget their first time together and the mind-blowing sex that felt like the sound barrier was being broken.

It felt like heaven.

While he doesn’t regret the _Kiss_ or coming out and the emotional roller coaster it took for them to become a couple when Zero finally got his head out of his ass, he still misses the peace and quiet. He misses when it was just them, Zero and Jude. Or rather, _Gideon_ and Jude. Now it’s them, the paparazzi, and rabid fans along with millions of followers on every social media platform wanting a glimpse into their lives.

It’s exhausting.

Jude’s voice suddenly pulls him out of his thoughts. “Dude, what’s up with you?”

“It’s been six months since we went public Jude. You’d think the paps would be bored with us by now.”

“Gid, relax, at some point they’ll get tired of us. You know...I don’t find us all that exciting,” Jude smirks.

Zero cocks an eyebrow, taking his eyes briefly off the road to glance at Jude. “Speak for yourself. Running shirtless in tight lycra shorts on the beach next to my hot and sexy boyfriend is plenty exciting.”

Jude blushes at the compliment. “Just keep your eyes on the road, _hotshot_. We have a golf tournament to get to and we’re gonna be late.”

Zero steps on the gas kicking his Aston Martin into high gear. He loves the power and speed of the car. It makes him feel free and relaxed.

Fortunately, they make it to the prestigious country club in one piece with plenty of time for their photo op and numerous interviews before they tee off.

While at the country club they meet up with his L.A. Devils teammates Derek and Terrence. Zero is still annoyed he and Jude are in a foursome with them. Lionel found it amusing to put them together for the 18 hole charity event to build up team camaraderie and get some much needed positive publicity for the Devils. Zero swears there is going to be payback on his part towards Lionel for this. He barely speaks to either of them. Luckily for Lionel, he can keep up the charade just as good as they can and knows he will outshine them both in the charisma category plus he is by far a better golfer than they are combined.

After four long hours on the beautiful course with tree-lined fairways and stunning views of L.A., Zero is ready to have a few drinks at the 19th hole clubhouse. His face feels frozen in place from smiling so much for the cameras and fans. His wrist is sore from signing numerous autographs in the gallery at each hole. They end up in second place behind a foursome of players from the L.A. Dodgers. Zero, being the ultimate competitor, is pissed they lost by two strokes due to Derek and Terrence missing some easy putts on the last few holes. Zero is certain their rapid decline in play the last five holes came from their caddies giving them more than water to stay hydrated throughout the day.

“Jude, we should be holding up that first-place trophy, friggin’ Derek and Terrence,” Zero says. “By the 15th hole it was like they missed going to the beach with all the balls they were hitting into the sand traps, they were practically seeing double and couldn’t putt worth shit.”

Jude laughs. “Hey, we played great and rallied the team for a close second. Besides, we made twenty-five thousand dollars for the L.A. Foster Kids Youth Summer and Education Program. It’s all about the kids, remember?”

Zero wonders why Jude always has to be the voice of reason.

“You’re right.”

Zero pulls Jude close, not caring they are in public and kisses him deeply before pulling away. “But next time, we’re picking the foursome, not Lionel.”

Jude chuckles in response, like he knows Zero’s protests will be futile because Lionel Davenport doesn’t take cues from anybody.

They’re taken out of their moment when the paparazzi swarm them as they’re walking off the green heading towards the clubhouse.

“Shit!” Zero mumbles under his breath. “Don’t they ever let up? We did a thirty-minute photo op session, interviews before this thing started and they followed us at every hole. What else is there to take a photo of or talk about? Where’s security when you need them?”

“Just stay cool,” Jude says calmly. “Give them that charming smile of yours. No need to get wound up and give them something to write about. That’s what they want. Depending on the question, no comment is what we go with if it gets personal.”

The paparazzi start to surround them and begin firing out random questions about their relationship.

“Zero!” “Jude!” “Tell us after six months how you are doing keeping up the facade of this publicity stunt of a relationship?” A reporter yells out with a microphone a foot away from Zero’s scowling face.

“No comment,” Zero fires back.

‘ _Fucking vultures_ ’, he thinks.

“Jude, do you really believe Zero is not just using you?”

“No comment,” Jude says calmly.

They continue walking through the paparazzi, ignoring the questions being hurled at them and quickly escape to Zero’s Aston Martin, ready to high tail it out of there. Jude buckles in and once they are out of the country club gates and on the main road, Zero hits the gas pedal hard, immediately shifting into 4th gear going from 0 to 60 mph in seconds flat. Looking in the rear-view mirror to no surprise, Zero sees they are being followed by a few over-eager photographers - probably from TMZ.

Zero’s all too familiar with this kind of situation and heads for the highway figuring he can lose them as he drives down the busy main street. His adrenaline is pumping like he just shot a game-winning three-pointer. He has the car screeching around a sharp corner practically on two wheels.

Jude has a fearful look on his face; one hand is braced on the inside of the car door, the other gripping his seat trying to remain steady. He’s glancing over to see the speedometer is now at 90 mph.

Zero gives him a quick look as to say, ‘I got this’.

“Zero, this is crazy…slow down!”

Zero goes through the busy intersection, swerving around another car and loses one of the photographers who missed making it through the changing traffic lights. The other photographer does and is still right on their tail.

“Damn! This pap is one good driver.” Zero huffs out and shifts the car into 5th gear.

“He’s crazy that’s what he is!” Jude yells out.

“We’ll lose him around this next turn.”

Another rush of adrenaline takes over Zero’s body as he floors the gas pedal and is shifting into 6th gear.

“Zero! Zero! You don’t have to do this! Slow down…you just went through a red light!” Jude frantically screams out.

Zero continues to weave in and out of traffic. It’s like he’s possessed, in a zone in his head, his only thoughts are to lose this photographer, and break free from the constant scrutiny.

“Jude, calm down. I know I can lose him,” he says coolly.

Jude’s now in full-blown panic mode. “They just want a picture. It’s not worth getting us killed over. You’re driving like a crazy man!”

“I’m sick and tired of them following us! Harassing us! It’s relentless Jude!”

“C’mon, Zero slow the fuck down! The speedometer is over a hundred... I think I’m gonna throw up!”

“No! Not in my car!” Zero yells out.

“Watch out!” Jude shouts.

Zero’s coming around the widening corner of the two-lane roadway and is suddenly cut off by a large garbage truck, forcing him to swerve off the road to avoid colliding with a mini-van. Before he can regain control, the car is flying over the curb into a construction site, crashing through the safety fencing then through a small wood tool shed before it hits a parked pick-up truck and comes to a halt.

There is no movement inside.

Zero is slumped over the steering wheel. Jude’s arms are spread out over the dashboard, his head bleeding and up against the now spider-webbed windshield from his direct impact.

A dozen construction workers immediately surround the car to help the unconscious passengers.


	2. Mr. Zero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zero is trying to wrap his head around the doctor’s words. “What? Wait a second. Slow this down so I can catch up. What do you mean…amnesia?” 
> 
> “He remembers nothing,” Dr. Hutchins says gravely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everyone who left comments, kudos, hits and welcomed me to the fandom! Love our Zude fandom! Glad you all are enjoying the story! On to Chapter 2...

At the hospital, Zero is being pushed in a wheelchair to his room. There’s a small bandage over his right eye where he needed some stitches and he’s sore all over but other than that he is fine.

Jenna, an attractive nurse with a playful attitude, is helping him out of the wheelchair. “You’re doing well,” she says.

“Compared to what,” snips Zero.

Jenna helps Zero into his bed; a small groan of discomfort comes from him as she pulls the bed sheets up to his chest. “How do you feel?”

“Weak.”

“Can I get you something?”

Zero groans. “Yeah, a new body.”

“You’re not supposed to move too much. Try to relax.” She hands him the bed remote. “If you need anything push this call button and I’ll come right over.”

“I get it. You’re what they call a push over.” Zero gives her a weak smile.

“Give me a call when you’re better and I’ll let you know,” she says jokingly. “Dr. Hutchins will be in to see you soon.”

After she leaves, Zero lays there staring up at the ceiling, before he starts looking around and sees the empty bed next to him. Suddenly, he remembers being in his car with Jude before swerving off the road to miss the oncoming garbage truck and, the rest a blur. He panics and wonders: Where’s Jude?

“Jude!” Zero yells out and presses the call button alerting the nurse.

Jenna runs back in. 

“Did you need something?”

“Where’s my boyfriend?” Zero is now sitting up in the bed, frantic with worry.

Jenna’s face twists with confusion. “Excuse me?”

“Kinkade, Jude Kinkade. We were in the car together. What happened to him?”

“I’m not sure, but please, lie back down and try to relax.”

“You gotta find out,” Zero pleads. “Please.”

“Okay, I’ll do my best. Try not to work yourself up. You’ve been in a serious car accident and its best for you to stay calm.”

Zero is still worked up, ignoring Jenna’s plea to stay calm.

“We had to have come into the hospital together. Where is he?” Zero says, worry growing with each second he can’t see Jude.

“Okay. I’ll find out,” Jenna reassures him.

“Thanks.” Zero lies back down reluctantly, like she will run away if he doesn’t track her movements.

Jenna is on her way out of the room when a doctor enters.

She clears her throat, glancing back at Zero oddly before she says, “Dr. Hutchins, the patient is asking about his boyfriend. Jude…”

“Yes. Jude Kinkade.” Dr. Hutchins replies. “I’ll take care of it.”

“Thank you, Doctor.” She leaves the room. Zero watches her go, wondering what they’re not telling him.

“Zero, I’m Dr. Hutchins. Aside from the stitches over your eye, the bruises, and the physical discomfort you’re feeling, you were very lucky. We are going to keep you here for a few days for observation just to be sure everything’s alright.”

Zero looks at Dr. Hutchins intensely, hardly interested in his own condition when he doesn’t know where Jude is. “What about Jude? Where is he?”

“Jude’s case is a little bit more complicated,” Dr. Hutchins says in a serious tone.

“W-What do you mean?” Zero stammers, heart beating rapidly with every second he doesn’t know what’s happened to Jude. 

“Well Zero, his neck is sprained, and there’s a possibility of concussion. He will recover physically, but his head took a rather severe blow at the moment of impact.”

“So, what are you saying? What’s the complication?”

“Jude is suffering from _amnesia_.”

Zero is trying to wrap his head around the doctor’s words. “What? Wait a second. Slow this down so I can catch up. What do you mean… _amnesia_?”

“He remembers nothing,” Dr. Hutchins says gravely.

“Nothing?”

Dr. Hutchins shakes his head, “Nothing.”

“So, you mean he forgot today, last week, last month?”

Dr. Hutchins seems hesitant in his response. “Zero…Jude has had a total blackout of memory function. We had to tell him his name.”

Shock floods Zero’s system. “I don’t believe it, I have to see him.”

“One of the nurses is bringing him down to the room now,” Dr. Hutchins says.

“Well, this can’t be permanent doc.” Zero’s reaching out for answers. “Being a professional athlete, I’ve heard about blackouts and temporary amnesia lots of times with head injuries. His memory can come back, right?”

“It’s possible that while he recovers from the accident he may regain his memory,” Dr. Hutchins says, clearly doing his best to give Zero some hope that Jude will come out of this.

“No sweat,” Zero says, more for his benefit than Dr. Hutchins. “As soon as he sees my face, we’re home free.”

Dr. Hutchins gives Zero a weak smile, like he’s had this conversation on numerous occasions.

Zero tries to convince himself this is not happening. That Jude will remember him. What they are to each other. How much he loves Jude.

Before they can say more, there’s some commotion by the door. The same nurse from before appears with Jude, who’s in a wheelchair. Without any preamble Jenna pushes him towards the second bed. Zero is stunned to see that Jude has a brace around his neck, multiple bandages wrapped around his head, a myriad of multihued bruises, several cuts on his face and his right arm in a sling.

He didn’t realize how bad things were, even with all Dr. Hutchins said. It’s almost like he’s been deluding himself and ignoring the fact he almost got them both killed.

With the knowledge that Jude possibly doesn’t remember him, Zero doesn’t know what to say.

When he finally finds his voice, he blurts: “Hey Jude. I’m glad to see that handsome face of yours. How ya’ feeling?” Jude slowly looks over at Zero with his neck brace restraining his efforts and gives Zero a death stare.

“I thought I was supposed to have a private room,” he spits out harshly, in a tone that Zero’s not used to hearing.

“We’re short on beds so I’m afraid you’ll have to share a room with Zero,” Dr. Hutchins says.

“C’mon Jude. It’s not like we haven’t shared a room or a bed before,” Zero chimes in, desperate to have some semblance of normalcy. For Jude to stop looking at him like he’s a stranger.

Jude looks confused, like he’s not sure why Zero is even addressing him.

“Now look _Mr. Zero_. I don’t know what on earth you’re talking about.”

“Hey Jude, it’s me…Zero,” Zero says softly, mentally willing Jude to snap out of it and remember him.

Jude winces in pain suddenly and Zero realizes how insensitive he’s being.

“Obviously neither one of us is in prime condition, so if you don’t mind I’d like some peace and quiet… _Mr. Zero_.”

Zero bites back his frustration and wills himself to remain calm. “It’s _just_ Zero.”

“Fine, *Just* Zero,” Jude grumbles.

Zero watches on as Jenna and Dr. Hutchins help Jude into his bed. He is visibly weak, unsteady, and groans as they try to make him comfortable. Once he’s settled Jenna draws the room curtain between their beds, leaving Zero feeling hopeless and shut out.

Zero slumps down in his bed and an uncomfortable silence takes over the room. What has his reckless driving done to Jude? Will he ever recover from this? What if he never remembers who Zero… _Gideon_ is. How far they have come…their past…the future they were starting to build. Zero knows he can’t live without Jude at his side. Even if he could, he doesn’t want to.

He needs to help Jude get his memory back; let him know how much he loves him while they are confined to this hospital room recovering.


	3. Who Are The Los Angeles Devils?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The Los Angeles Devils,” Zero says suddenly, hoping to jog Jude’s memory. 
> 
> Jude eyes him curiously, “Who are the Los Angeles Devils?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all the wonderful comments and kudos! It's much appreciated! Glad to read you are enjoying the story! Chapter 3 is the shortest but it's the lead up as the story builds and intensifies in Chapters 4-6.

The next morning finds Zero and Jude sitting up in their beds eating breakfast. The curtain between them is drawn open, allowing Zero to look in on Jude.

“Y’ know. This is weird,” Zero says shaking his head.

“What’s weird Mr. Zero?” Jude gazes back at him.

“You don’t know who I am. And it’s _just_ _Zero_.”

“I’m guessing we have some kind of history together?” Jude cocks his head to one side, with a blank expression on his face.

Zero feels the glimmer of hope he had evaporating into thin air. “You could call it that, yeah.” 

Silence falls between them and Zero can’t help watching Jude eating his oatmeal, like there’s nothing amiss.

“The Los Angeles Devils,” Zero says suddenly, hoping to jog Jude’s memory. 

Jude eyes him curiously, “Who are the Los Angeles Devils?”

“That’s who we work for. One of the basketball teams in L.A. You know, the NBA. I’m a small forward and you’re the Executive Vice President of Business Operations.”

Jude seems surprised, if not disturbed by the revelation. “Are you serious? I’m the Executive Vice President of Business Operations for the Los Angeles Devils basketball team? If you ask me, seems like a sport with a bunch of prima-donna players. I don’t even think I like basketball all that much.”

“What? You LOVE basketball! That’s all you’ve ever talked about, being a part of the Devils organization. You even turned down being my agent again to be the EVP.”

“How can I LOVE something I don’t even remember,” Jude’s eyes widen. “And if I was your agent…why did I stop?”

“Well, ah, that’s kind of complicated. You were my agent initially, then you quit for four months,” Zero takes a deep breath. “I-I missed you…asked you to be my agent again and at the same time Lionel offered you the EVP job. You accepted her offer and became my boss.”

“Really? I don’t remember any of that?” Jude rubs his chin, almost like he’s skeptical.”…but you seem like you’re telling the truth.”

“You don’t even know the half of it,” Zero mutters.

Jude gives him a quizzical look. “I’m sensing there’s more to the reason why I quit being your agent.”

Without giving Zero a chance to clue him in, Jude starts shifting from casual conversation to pointed questions. “Who is Lionel? And you seem rather short for a basketball player? Is Zero really your name and what’s with your hair color…bleach blonde?”

“You ask a lot of questions, don’t you?” Zero suddenly feels aggrieved, like Jude’s a member of an interrogation squad.

“Wouldn’t you if you couldn’t remember anything about your life?” Jude frowns. 

“I need to know how you fit into it as well,” he adds. “Dr. Hutchins told me you’re my _boyfriend.”_

Jude hesitates. “Is that true?” 

“Yeah, it is,” Zero says firmly and nods, his deep blue eyes piercing Jude’s.

He begins to worry that Jude’s memory will never come back, but he vows to keep trying.

+

Jude is intrigued by the man across from him in the next bed. After their conversation during breakfast, Zero goes quiet. Supposedly, they have history together and Zero confirmed he’s Jude’s _boyfriend_. And this boyfriend landed them both in the hospital. What happened that day to cause their car accident? What led Zero to put them in a situation risking their lives…who or what was he trying to get them away from?

So many thoughts swirl around in Jude’s head, leading him to further contemplate what kind of person and boyfriend Zero is. Is he reckless? Selfish? Cocky? Genuine? Supportive? One thing he knows for certain is that Zero’s, _hot_. He reminds him of a Greek God – sculpted, strong and handsome.

There is something about the blonde that has him feeling warm and relaxed, especially when those deep blue eyes gaze intensely at him, like they have an unspoken connection.

He finds that whenever he closes his eyes, he’s fearful he will never remember his past, his life and this stranger named Zero.

+

Lionel was away in New York City for an NBA owners meeting when she was informed of the car accident and immediately booked the next flight back to L.A. She arrives early the next morning at the airport and has the team’s private limo take her straight to the hospital where Dr. Hutchins gives her a medical update on Zero and Jude.

She enters the hospital room in her usual dramatic fashion, dressed to the nines and runs over to Jude giving him a leaning hug while he is lying in bed.

“Jude! Thank God you’re okay,” she turns to look at Zero with a sarcastic tone in her voice. “Oh, and you too Zero.”

Zero just rolls his eyes and turns his attention back to Jude.

Jude gives her a strange look. “Zero, is this _woman_ a friend of yours?”

Lionel’s mouth falls open with shock as she turns to give Zero a _what-the-fuck_ look?

“Well, ah, kind of,” Zero says hesitantly. “This is Lionel. Remember, I told you she was the one who offered you the EVP of Business Operations role? She’s also your step mother and is running the team.”

Jude gives Lionel a blank look. “You’re my step mother? You’re running the team? This is a joke right?” he says, clearly struggling to place her. “You look familiar… like movie-star familiar. Although, you don’t strike me as the type that would be running a professional basketball team. You’re too glamorous.”

Lionel looks over at Zero lips pressed together. “Zero, you did this with your reckless driving! I knew you would somehow hurt Jude…again!” She snaps.

Zero lowers his gaze from Lionel staring down at the floor. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles.

Lionel is visibly overcome with emotion that Jude doesn’t know who she is. She tries her best to make conversation with Jude, but it’s futile. She doesn’t stay long and once outside the hospital gets back into the team’s limo having the driver take her to _The Playground_ for numerous shots of tequila.

+

_‘Again’_ Jude thinks, later when Lionel is long gone and the lights are out. What did Lionel mean by that? How has Zero hurt him?

Jude gets the sense that he overthinks everything as he tries to analyze what he’s heard about parts of his life from Zero. It’s clear they have the basketball connection and Jude was once his agent. He senses Zero is holding back, but why? It’s clear he has money, power and fame…and can have anyone he desires - man or woman, yet why is Zero with him? What is this strong connection between them, drawing him like a moth to a flame?

Jude’s mind continues to be in overdrive.

He’s scared and frustrated all at the same time, desperately trying to remember something, anything…he feels helpless. The only person who can help him is quietly lying in the next bed. 

+

The room is dark and quiet as the hospital over bed lights glow softly over them. The curtain between them is drawn once again, a constant reminder of why they’re here. It’s a barrier that Zero hates and is determined to break through by helping Jude get his memory back.

Zero vows to do whatever it takes to get Jude to come back to him, to remember their life together.

This time it’s different…a _kiss_ in front of thousands of fans at the Devils arena and millions on social media is not going to bring back Jude’s memory. 

It’s not Jude walking away because Zero wouldn’t commit to a relationship.

It’s Jude _not_ remembering what they are to each other.

There’s only one thing Zero can do.

It’s time he takes them back to the incredible highs and painful lows of their past. 


	4. Flashbacks Of Our Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Jude…you said you wanted to know who you are. How I fit into your life. The only way to do that is for me to tell you…are you up for that?” Zero’s heart is pounding waiting for a response.
> 
> A deafening silence takes over the room before Jude simply says, “Yes.” 
> 
> Zero slowly gets out of bed and draws the curtain back looking at Jude with softness in his eyes. 
> 
> “Where do you want to start?” 
> 
> Jude eagerly looks at Zero. “From the beginning.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to all in the Zude fandom who have made comments and hit the kudos button! On with our story...

Zero wakes up early the next morning, not able to sleep with all the background noise coming from the nurse’s station right outside their room.

He hears a small groan coming from the other side of the drawn curtain.

“Jude, you ok?” Zero whispers.

“Yeah, just sore. It hurts when I move my neck,” Jude says quietly.

“I’m sorry I hurt you." Zero lets out a sigh as he looks up at the ceiling.

“Jude…you said you wanted to know who you are. How I fit into your life. The only way to do that is for me to tell you…are you up for that?” Zero’s heart is pounding waiting for a response.

A deafening silence takes over the room before Jude simply says, “Yes.”

Zero slowly gets out of bed and draws the curtain back looking at Jude with softness in his eyes.

“Where do you want to start?”

Jude eagerly looks at Zero. “From the beginning.”

Zero sits on the edge of Jude’s bed, his piercing blue eyes focusing on him as he takes a deep breath.

“Ok, from the beginning,” Zero pauses wondering where he should start. “Well, we first met in Ohio. I was playing ball for Cleveland and won the team a championship. I was top dog and in control…it felt good. But, deep down I wanted more. Winning the championship was great n’ all, but I wanted to be bigger…team captain and MVP in a big market.”

Zero pauses, glancing at Jude who’s listening intently.

“Out of the blue, you came along - it was like some sign from the universe. You pitched me an offer from the team owner of the L.A. Devils. They needed a strong, skilled, small forward, someone with star power.”

Jude’s eyes are laser-focused on Zero - not even blinking.

“That along with a thirty million dollar contract and your plan to help get me to the top, how could I refuse?” Zero grins.

Zero is purposely leaving out the fact that Oscar was the team owner at the time. No need to go down that road to let Jude know about Oscar being his father unless absolutely necessary.

“Huh. So you’re telling me the team owner sent me to get you to play ball for the Devils?” Jude runs his hand through his hair like he’s trying hard to process this. “There has to be more to it.”

Zero hesitates before saying, “Well, you were also representing Derek Roman, another player for the Devils. I guess the owner thought you were a good choice. But it wasn’t just the money that did it for me. You did your homework and figured out what I wanted. You told me about the tension between Derek and the captain, Terrence Wall – if I could capitalize on that, and shake things up between them, I’d be able to maneuver my way to the top.” 

Zero remembers how confident and composed Jude was when he proposed the thirty-million dollar contract to him. Those intuitive brown eyes piercing his soul like he knew all of Zero’s secrets.

He was attracted to Jude right from the start, something about the younger and eager junior agent had his undivided attention as they began to scheme Zero’s every move to get him to the top.

Jude dangled the bait like he was a seasoned agent doing this job for decades and Zero took it, hook line, and sinker. 

“That’s what I liked about you Jude when we first met. You knew exactly what I wanted. We had this unspoken connection right from the start. I had never met someone so loyal, didn’t know such a person existed, and we became fast friends…that connection, the electricity between us quickly led to more.” Zero leans forward making steady eye contact with Jude. 

Jude’s lips are slightly parted, releasing a deep breath, “Then what happened?”

Zero’s eyes brighten; relieved Jude wants to hear more as he proceeds to tell him how he became his number one guy...

_*Flashback*_

It’s not a conscious decision, more one that comes to mind when Zero’s browsing the Porsche dealership. At first, he wonders what Jelena would do if he bought her a car, but soon his mind turns to Jude. The two of them have been inseparable since he landed in L.A. and if Zero was pushed, he might admit they’re friends.

That Jude is the only person in the world he trusts.

It’s that thought which pushes him in to calling the agency to ask them to make Jude his main agent. He’s tired of dealing with Lucas, the smarmy, arrogant agent handling most of his endorsements. Getting a call back from him is like getting Jelena to open up to him - impossible.

It makes sense to get the agency to promote Jude. He deserves it.

Luckily, they agree with him – not that they’d _ever_ disagree.

Jude’s boss agrees to let Zero give him the good news and he decides to do something _big_. Something to show how much he appreciates Jude.

He goes back to the Porsche dealership and picks the darkest color they have - a midnight blue 911 Carrera - smiling to himself because it reminds him of Jude - dark and moody.

He says as much when he gifts it to Jude, grinning when Jude seems surprised. It’s obvious being Oscar Kinkade’s son hasn’t brought him any favors – not with the crap box he’s driving. Jude seems to revel in the smooth drive, spinning into the bend leading to the Devils Arena with more panache than necessary.

“Zero, I can’t accept this,” Jude says when he pulls up in the arena parking lot. He was quiet on the drive over so the words aren’t a surprise.

Zero quirks an eyebrow. “The car or the promotion?”

“Both.”

“Why not?”

“Well, first off, I’m not one of your lady friends, and I’m just a _junior_ agent. I don’t have enough experience. Plus, I still have Derek to take care of. You’re better off with Lucas. He’s the best agent at our agency.”

“I don’t want Lucas, I want you,” Zero says, hastily adding, “as my agent that is.”

Jude presses his lips together, like he’s thinking it over and Zero knows exactly what to say.

“It’s already done. If I thought you weren’t interested, I wouldn’t have asked, but...I know you, Jude. You know me better than Lucas ever will. I can’t think of anyone else who’d be better for the job.”

Jude’s ambition is on a different level from Zero’s, but he knows hunger when he sees it. He knows Jude is not going to turn down the promotion.

“Okay, fine. I’d be happy to be your agent. I can’t keep the car, though.”

Zero smiles. “Your car is a piece of shit. If you’re Team Zero, you need to look the part. It’s on me. You don’t have to pay a dime.”

“Why do I suddenly feel like I’m Julia Roberts and you’re Richard Gere?” Jude asks, his hands twisting together, like he’s still not sure about any of this. “What’s next? An apartment and bank account to cover my monthly expenses?”

“You can be my pretty woman, Jude, but your job is to make me rich enough to be your sponsor.”

“Like _you_ would be a good sponsor.” Jude scoffs. “You’d probably bail on me after my huge makeover and leave me to fend for myself.”

Zero clasps his chest dramatically, “I’d never leave you - at least not until I show you that you’re better than that crap box you’ve been driving.”

When their eyes meet, they both dissolve into laughter.

“Thank you,” Jude says when they sober up. “For believing in me.”

Zero smiles softly. “Ditto.”

_*End Flashback.*_

_+_

“So that’s how I became your agent…your number one guy?” Jude is staring at Zero in disbelieve. “And you bought me a Porsche? I must have been one damn good junior agent.”

Jude grins at him, like he finds it hilarious and Zero chuckles.

“The best,” Zero says.

“So if things were so good between us…what happened to make me quit?” 

It’s just like Jude, Zero thinks. Always pushing for more from him than he’s willing or capable to give.

However, Zero has no choice but to give Jude everything he’s got…forcing himself to peel back the layers of his past he so carefully keeps locked away. These memories of not only his past, but theirs together are for Jude…to get him to remember who he is…who they are as a team and lovers.

Zero feels the sweat on his forehead as he puts his head down and scratches the back of his neck, stifled by the weight of the memories.

“Our relationship got more complicated than I wanted.”

Zero nervously admitting that out loud for the first time makes his head hurt, thoughts racing faster than he can catch them.

“I’ve never been one for relationships…they’re messy. I never thought in a million years I would want one - to commit to someone. For me, it’s always been a quick hook-up to scratch an itch after a game to keep the adrenaline high for just a little longer. It was never deep Jude…and I never made it deep. It was only what I could get out of it. I used people. I made the rounds in every city we played…fucked whomever, whenever I wanted – men, women…men and women.”

Zero looks down, breaking eye contact with Jude.

He’s suddenly a geyser and can’t stop spouting this rush of emotions. He’s never been this open, but it’s for Jude so he will do whatever it takes to jog a memory. 

Zero takes a deep breath and continues.

“I never let anyone get close to me. Never wanted anyone to know the real me. I made up this persona…Zero. You saw right through it and all my bullshit when we first met back in Ohio. I instantly felt a connection to you. The more time we hung out I tried to ignore those feelings of actually wanting to be close to someone…you…it scared me.”

Jude remains focused on Zero, not wanting to interrupt this surreal moment. 

“Then when everything was going perfect in my life, I fucked it all up. I got myself in way over my head in a major scandal. My girlfriend at the time exposed my activities with a couple of hookers to the media. She took my reputation along with all of my sponsors. I was drowning and didn’t know what I was going to do.”

“Let me get this straight,” Jude’s eyes widen. “You cheated on your girlfriend with a couple of hookers? No wonder she ratted you out. A scorned woman knows no boundaries.” Jude shakes his head.

“Well, in my defense, it was kind of a showmance. We both had our agendas. I just never thought she would sell me out. I let my guard down and she steam-rolled right over me.”

“Sounds like you needed the Superman of PR to get you out of it.”

“I had him…you.” Zero’s face softens.

“When this all came down, I was heading to Boston for an away game. We were in a limo on the airport tarmac before the team plane took off. You were giving me one of your pep talks. I was so out of it… feeling helpless, betrayed and lost.”

Zero pauses, looking away before he continues.

“I’ll never forget the way you looked at me - like you had all the answers. We were sitting side-by-side and you put your hand on my knee, leaned in closer, and with all the sincerity in the world said, ‘we were in this together’…that ‘you would never leave me,‘…‘you’d fix this’…would always be ‘Team Zero’…then you touched the side of my face and kissed me gently on the mouth.”

“I-I did what?” Jude stammers. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, Jude. You kissed me.”

Jude’s eyes widen, “What was your reaction?”

“I wasn’t expecting you to do that,” Zero shakes his head. “And I don’t think you were expecting to do that either. After the initial shock, you got defensive; pretending like it never happened.”

Zero licks his lips, “But I know a kiss on the mouth…and that was definitely a kiss.”

“Were you upset?”

“Jude, I’ve been kissed by guys before. I didn’t know you were gay, or quite frankly what you were,” Zero shrugs.

“I wasn’t upset…told you it was fine, that it was OK to be gay when you denied it.”

Jude eyes are rapidly blinking like he is trying to process what Zero is telling him about his sexuality.

“Once I was on the plane, all I could think of was you…how much I liked that kiss, how much I wanted to kiss you back, but instead I pulled away,” Zero says with unwavering eye contact. “I knew then, I was in trouble - I tried to blow off those feelings, ignore it ever happened. You were my only friend and I didn’t want to screw that up.”

“What happened to change all that?” Jude asks.

“Those feelings came roaring back once Danny, the photographer’s assistant, came along.”

Zero swallows hard at the thought of Jude going to meet up with Danny, exposing the jealousy he tried so desperately to ignore.

“Who’s Danny?” Jude raises his eyebrows.

_*Flashback*_

Zero is used to being kissed by beautiful women; models, dancers, the kind of girls splashed across glossy pages of high-end magazines.

He tends to use them without a moment’s thought but after Jelena, the appeal’s gone. While the old Zero would have rebounded _hard_ and shown Jelena what she’s missing, he can barely focus on her betrayal. Not when Jude _kissed_ him and turned his entire world upside down.

Something about Jude’s awkward, hesitant (but not bad) kiss sticks with him, in the darkest hours when he can’t sleep and in the brighter times when he realizes that he _liked_ it.

He likes _Jude_.

They don’t talk about it, although Zero gets some pleasure out of winding Jude up.

Jude brushes it off each time, but Zero’s not an idiot. He can feel the shift, the way their usual camaraderie has changed. Jude opened himself up and Zero shut him down because that’s what he does.

He runs away from anything that has the potential to be real.

He’s not sure what he expected.

For Jude to sit around and pine after him forever or for them to be stuck in this phase of dancing around each other; daring the other to break first, to confront this thing between them head-on.

The levee breaks when he hears about Danny, who Jude’s too good for. Zero isn’t sure how he knows that, he just knows. Jude can do better, and that’s without considering his own feelings.

When he realizes that Jude is serious about Danny, something in his brain catches fire and he feels sick, angry, and jealous simultaneously, like he’s teetering on a roller coaster that’s about to crash into the ground.

There’s a fiery, possessive rage in him that catches him by surprise, and he knows this is it - this is _their_ moment.

This time _he_ kisses Jude.

_*End Flashback.*_

Jude’s lips curl up into a smile. “You don’t strike me as the jealous type.”

“I’m not,” Zero shrugs. “Or at least I never had a reason to be. The thought of you and Danny together brought out feelings in me that I couldn’t control…that I didn’t know I had. I wanted you Jude and it was pretty clear after that kiss in the limo you wanted me too.”

Zero lays his hand on Jude’s…feeling his warm skin. It’s the first time he’s touched him since they kissed at the charity event at the L.A. Country Club.

Jude’s lips begin to part and his breath quickens, before he suddenly pulls away making Zero’s shoulders drop in disappointment.

Zero doesn’t have time to dwell on it because Jude changes gears.

“Zero, the only person who’s come to visit either one of us has been my step-mother, Lionel. Why has she been the only one? Where are my parents? And what about you? Where is your family?”

‘ _Sitting right in front of me,’_ Zero thinks.

Zero was hoping to avoid this question. He knew it would only be a matter of time before Jude asked about his family.

He sighs.

“Your mom lives in Sacramento. The hospital staff tried to get in touch with her but apparently she is on a European cruise and has been unreachable.”

Jude frowns. “Are we close? What’s she like?”

“I’ve never met her.”

Jude’s mother wasn’t exactly thrilled in finding out about their relationship along with millions on national television during the now-famous _kiss._ She was upset that Jude never felt he could confide in her about his relationship with Zero, fearing she would not understand. He didn’t want to be disowned by another parent. While Jude loves his mother their relationship has been strained over the years with him trying desperately to get Oscar’s attention. Never understanding why she wasn’t enough for him.

“You talk with her every couple of weeks. But with the demands of your job and her constantly traveling you don’t see her much.”

Jude’s eyes dim with sadness. “What about my father?”

…and there it is.

The question Zero was hoping to avoid.

“It’s complicated Jude.”

“What’s so complicated about wanting to know about my father?” Jude’s head flinches back slightly.

Zero grows quiet, dreading having to talk about Oscar.

“Your father’s Oscar Kinkade, he’s the team owner of the Devils. He divorced your mother when you were a baby…he was no longer interested in being a husband or father, his only ambition was to have power and money. He didn’t care who he fucked over or hurt to get what he wanted.”

Zero clenches his jaw at the thought of what Oscar has done to Jude since he was a kid.

“Oscar had his sights set on being an NBA team owner and the Devils became his obsession. He left you and your mother behind and never looked back.”

Jude’s eyes widen like he can’t believe what he’s hearing.

“How did I end up wanting a career in basketball knowing my father left me and my mother for a high profile basketball team?” Jude’s mind is racing, searching for answers. “Really? A basketball team was more important than his own wife and son?”

Zero hates having to talk about the emotional abuse Oscar put Jude through his entire life, but he forces himself to.

For Jude.

“You wanted his attention,” he says, noticing the sharpness in his tone. “Always trying to prove to him how good you are. He was never a father to you Jude. But that stubborn streak in you kept pushing for a relationship.”

Zero pauses, “Oscar doesn’t deserve you as a son.”

Jude’s eyes are glossed over and Zero sees the hurt, knows that he’s trying to process what he’s just heard.

All Zero wants to do is hold Jude tight, let him know how much he loves him. That all they need is each other. 

“Does he know about the accident…that I’m in the hospital? Is he coming to see me?”

Zero swallows hard, knowing Oscar is still in jail. “No…he disowned you.” 

Jude swallows audibly, “He disowned me? I’m afraid to ask, but…why?”

_*Flashback*_

Invading Jude’s space was never Zero’s intention, so when he overhears the conversation with Derek, he decides not to bring it up.

Truth be told, when it comes to this _thing_ that he and Jude are doing, it’s been purely physical. They hangout and hook-up, no strings attached, the way he likes it.

“I should charge you rent,” Jude jokes one day, eyes darkening the way they do before they shift from friends to _friends_ , going from enjoying each other’s company to _enjoying_ each other.

Zero doesn’t realize how far he’s sunk until he’s looking for spare batteries for Jude’s remote and he stumbles across a red envelope that screams ‘ _open me’_.

Once he hears the conversation, it doesn’t take him long to put the pieces together and he finally realizes that Jude’s relationship with Derek goes beyond what he ever imagined.

If targeting Derek leads to Jude getting caught in the crossfire, he won’t do it.

He doesn’t make anything of it because that’s what friends do - they stick up for each other, protect each other and...Jude’s the only friend he has. The only person he cares about.

He’s sure Jude suspects he knows about Derek, especially when Chase Vincent is released and the news about Terrence’s injury breaks.

“Wouldn’t it be better to go after Derek?” Jude asks him, voice low and discreet. “Wouldn’t he be the better target?”

The lie rolls off Zero’s tongue with ease. “I don’t have anything on Derek.”

It’s clear that Jude doesn’t believe him, but it doesn’t matter.

At least not until Zero arrives at Jude’s apartment a few days later and finds him huddled on the floor by the couch in pitch darkness. Zero flips the lights on and tries to power through like everything is normal.

“Jude? Where’ve you been? I’ve been calling. Thought you’d be up for a drink.”

He waits for Jude to make some sarcastic remark about him not having too much fun while his Captain is injured, but it doesn’t come.

Instead there’s silence and Zero’s left with two options: pretending he can’t _feel_ Jude’s pain rolling off him in waves, or choosing to be here, the way Jude was there for him.

“What is it? Did something happen?” Zero moves further into the apartment, coming to a stop by the chest of drawers where he found that ominous red envelope. “Jude. Say something. Where’ve you been for the last couple of hours?”

“Oscar.”

Zero perches on top of the drawers and exhales messily; it’s _always_ Oscar and he’s tired of watching Jude get hurt.

“What did he do now?”

“He knows about us.” Jude looks up before Zero can panic, quickly clarifying: “Not you, but he knows that I’ve had a guy over here.”

“So what? You’re into guys. What’s the problem?”

“I’m the problem, Zero. I’m _always_ the problem, and this was just one more way for him to stick the knife in and twist it.”

Zero’s take on family is warped, but he tries to offer comfort. Oscar Kinkade has only ever been pleasant to him, but he knows what he’s capable of and is aware of how he treats Jude.

“He’ll come around.” Zero tries to say the words convincingly knowing it’s a lie.

Jude’s face takes on an even more dejected note. “I have no son. That’s what he said. I keep reaching out to people. To him. To you. Just once...I want someone to reach back.”

The conversation has officially spun off the rails and veered off track and yet, Zero’s still here. He’s here _desperate_ to make the pained look on Jude’s face disappear. He pulls out the drawer and retrieves the red envelope and joins Jude by the couch. He tosses the envelope on the floor and watches it land by Jude’s feet.

“You knew about the coke, but you didn’t use it. Because it would hurt me.”

Zero feels a wave of pressure, like doing _one_ nice thing to keep Jude safe means more than what it was – a _friendly_ gesture.

“Don’t make a thing out of it.”

Of course it’s everything _and_ more - the only selfless thing Zero’s done since he stepped foot on the tarmac at the L.A. International Airport, and he did it for Jude.

To prevent an awkward situation like the one they’re in now.

“My folks gave me up. I grew up in a foster home,” Zero begins, “With foster parents who collected kids to collect the checks. How do you think I got the name Zero? That’s what they called me. Zero. I kept it. Showed them how big Zero could be.”

He’s trying to tell Jude that he understands, he gets it, but he’s not good at this. He’s not good at heartfelt conversations or confiding in other people.

Jude eyes him curiously, and blurts, “What’s your real name?”

“I’m telling you this for a reason, Jude,” Zero says, side-stepping the question because he’s not ready to be stripped bare just yet. “The sooner you forget about Oscar, the better off you'll be."

Although the words are hollow, he's got nothing left. When he left his foster home at eighteen, he never looked back.

Jude’s eyes take on a dejected note. "You have no idea what I've done for that man."

"We all do things for people that don't deserve it. Right now it's a question of whether you stand up for yourself and realize he doesn't deserve you, or you spend the rest of your life begging him to accept you."

Jude looks over at him. "Is that the choice you made?"

"Jude, there was nobody in my life for me to beg. And I've made my peace with that."

"Sounds lonely."

Zero nudges Jude's shoulder. "I've got you."

Jude swallows audibly, his voice raspy when he says, "Yeah, you do."

_*End Flashback.*_

“That was a lot to take in with my parents,” Jude frowns, feeling numb due to Zero’s words. “My mom’s not around and my father disowned me. Sounds like you’re the only who cares…who has my back.”

“Jude, I’ll always care,” Zero says softly. “I’ll always have your back.”

Zero’s eyes dull and he continues.

“But I’ll level with you; it all came to a head. You came looking for me after the Championship game. You pushed for a relationship…I couldn’t give you that so we went our separate ways.”

“Just like that?” Jude looks up with apprehensive eyes. “We just gave up?”

Zero’s mind drifts back to the night in question. “Not exactly.”

_*Flashback*_

It’s been a hard-fought six months and Zero is broken. He's a champion but winning isn’t free of scars and it’s like he's been cut open and exposed for all to see. He's the odd one out, the guy on the outside looking in - a position he's familiar with.

Back when he was ten and they wouldn't let him play ball. The older kids pushed him to the dirt and kicked at him, telling him to quit acting like a little bitch. Until one day, his growth spurt kicked in and he realized he could do his talking on the court. They didn't respect him before, but they did when he won them pick-up games. They stopped laughing at him and looked at him with respect.

That was when he knew he was destined to reach the top.

And here he is, within an inch, but he's fallen short.

This isn't what he signed up for.

This isn't why he came back to L.A.

"You can't pin this on me," Jude says when Zero complains. "You're the one who got caught with your pants down. On more than one occasion."

Jude’s been off ever since Lionel and Oscar’s wedding and Zero _thought_ it was down to his best friend getting hitched to his father.

Now he realizes it’s about _them._

"Are you still upset about the girl at the wedding?" Zero asks, suddenly remembering Jude’s sarcastic retort about him having crabs. "I already told you, Jude. I don't do relationships."

Jude’s expression is pained - like he thinks Zero is full of shit.

"You don't do them with guys. I do. You know, how I know? Because I want one…with you."

"I can't give you that, Jude. Even if I wanted to. I'm a professional basketball player. The world isn’t that tolerant just yet."

"It's tolerant enough," Jude says.

He’s blinded by tunnel vision and lacks the foresight Zero has. It's one thing to fool around, but Jude's asking for too much. He's asking Zero to give up everything his life has been about. To jeopardize what he's worked so hard for.

"Jude, look, you're a great guy and...I like having fun with you. I do. I'm just not boyfriend material. You want to get your heart broken, fine, but I can't have that on my conscience. I'm just being honest.

Jude snorts. "No. What you are is buried under layers so deep that you don't even know who you are anymore, and you're afraid of anybody getting close enough to the real you."

"Jude, knock it off," Zero says. "You might have figured out that _you're_ gay, but that doesn't give you any right to judge me. Not when I've _never_ judged you."

"You're right. I'm mad. Mad at the situation. Mad that I want something, mad that I can't get it. Most of all, I'm mad that there's nothing I can do about it."

Jude turns to leave and Zero's feet move before his brain. All he knows is it can't end like this. He _needs_ Jude in whatever capacity he can have him.

"Where are you going? You're still my agent."

Jude shakes his head. "I'm done settling for percentages. Percentages of you…of my father, and I’m not sticking around waiting for it."

He turns to leave again and…

"Gideon!" Zero blurts out, unable to stop the name rolling off his tongue.

Jude’s eyes widen with wonder. Zero feels a deep twinge of regret over a _name_ making Jude react like he’s seen a miracle.

"What are you trying to tell me?" Jude asks.

"That's my real name. Gideon."

Jude gives him a rueful smile. "I'd like to take Gideon out on a date. To a public place. If you're interested...give me a call sometime."

Zero knows he won't call, the same way he knows that Jude's not done with him.

What Jude doesn't realize is Zero's built his life to lead up to this very moment. Winning championships, being at the very top of his game. The focus has always been about basketball and never relationships, never _emotion_. He's worked too hard to throw everything away and Jude, despite his hardships, will never understand.

It's easy for Jude to want to skip around holding hands in public, but Zero's not sure if he'll ever be ready for that.

A relationship was never part of the game plan, but with Jude walking away, it’s one he realizes he just may want.

_*End Flashback.*_

Jude tilts his head slightly to the side, his warm brown eyes fixated on Zero.

“So that’s why I stopped being your agent?”

“Yeah,” Zero nods. “I wanted to be with you Jude…but I knew I wasn’t good enough for you. I’m broken. I have a lot of baggage from my childhood and have a hard time opening up. Still do. You felt I was keeping you a secret. Truth was…I didn’t know how to be somebody’s boyfriend, how to commit to you, show you the _real_ me, and then there was the potential backlash to my career by coming out. It was tearing me up inside.”

Zero is staring intensely at Jude and takes a deep breath.

“But the hardest thing of all was watching you walk away from me. We didn’t see each other or talk for four months…it crushed me.”

Jude reaches out and puts his right hand softly on the side of Zero’s face.

“Zero… _Gideon_ …I’m sorry.”

Zero feels his heartbeat racing. All he wants to do at this moment is passionately kiss Jude.

Jude removes his hand from the side of Zero’s face suddenly breaking him out of his train of thought.

“What happened that brought us back together?”

“There was something I did to win you back,” Zero says with a cocky grin.

“Jude, my motto is, go big or go home.”

“What did you do?”

Zero smiles, “I went big.”

_*Flashback to the Kiss*_

Jude and Lucas make a good-looking couple.

However, the thought of Lucas putting his hands on Jude makes Zero want to punch a wall. Especially because there’s no way Lucas is in it for the long haul.

Zero's known Lucas the whole time he's been back in L.A. and he's surprised when he hears that he's dating Jude.

Until Lucas smirks and adds, "Just until I get this deal with Derek straightened out. Plus, Jude’s hot. It's a win-win situation."

Zero's _already_ reached out to Jude, but there's been push back. All or nothing ultimatums and Zero sticking his foot in his mouth when they were _literally_ hooking up in a closet only made matters worse.

There's a constant battle in his head - career vs. Jude. Does he sacrifice everything for a relationship that might not last? Is he willing to? Is the alternative any better? These are the questions consuming his mind and the _one_ person he can talk to is the source of his consternation.

Sometimes, Zero thinks _fuck Jude, fuck everything_ , but he knows he’s only angry with himself.

The truth is he _misses_ Jude and wants him back.

In the end, Lucas forces his hand.

After a brief split, he mentions he and Jude are giving their relationship another shot. Zero's not fazed - he knew there would be consequences after he admitted he couldn't be there the way Jude wanted him to be. Plus, Lucas is only after one thing, and Zero takes some comfort in knowing that Jude hasn't given it to him.

He tries in vain to appeal to Jude when he's hauled into his office to discuss some stupid tweet his social media handler posted.

"Lucas tells me that you're back together."

"We're not together," Jude snaps. "What we are is none of your business."

"Really? He's my agent and you and I have history. I'd say that makes it my business."

"Luckily for me, I no longer care about what you have to say," Jude says. "You're free to leave."

Zero allows his smirk to fade, clearing his throat before he says, "He's not who you think he is."

“I’ll tell you one thing he is - willing to be seen with me in public."

Zero rolls his eyes. "I've been seen with you a million times. Why does it have to be such a production, Jude? Why does the whole world have to know? Why isn't it enough that I love you?"

This time Jude doesn't have a cutting remark and he swallows audibly. "I don't know, Zero. I don't. I just know that... you haven't offered me anything real."

"And Lucas has?"

"Lucas isn't the one who told me he loved me."

~

Zero's prediction comes to fruition halfway through the game when he catches Lucas making a hasty retreat.

“You’re leaving already? What kind of agent are you?”

Lucas’s dark brows raise and he aims a sheepish smile Zero’s way. “I kind of promised Jude that I’d meet him courtside and that’s not going to happen.”

“Why not?”

“He’s a nice guy, but I got what I came for. And the body he’s hiding under those suits?” Lucas whistles appreciatively. “...but man, is he _needy_ and _neurotic_. Too much work. Besides, Jude’s used to disappointment. He’ll get over it. Me on the other hand, I’m all about the simple things in life. Like making you more money.”

Anger trickles down Zero’s spine, twisting haphazardly, “Is that so?”

Lucas gives him a questioning look. “Of course. You’re my top priority.”

With a hard pat on his shoulder, Lucas bids him farewell and continues heading toward the exit.

“Dude, we’re back on the court in five,” someone calls out and Zero realizes he’s been glaring at thin air.

Somehow he manages to make it through the next two quarters, but he keeps on hearing Jude’s words in his head, like a song that never ends.

_‘Lucas isn't the one who told me he loved me_.’

When the whistle blows and people spill on to the court, it doesn’t take long for his eyes to pick up Jude, who is looking around expectantly.

Zero presses his lips together, fully prepared to deliver the bad news until Jude says, “Can’t talk right now. I’m meeting someone.”

“Lucas isn’t coming.”

“Why not?”

Zero takes a breath because this is it - his moment of truth.

“Cuz I told him not to.”

He kisses Jude there and then, not caring that they’re surrounded by tens of thousands of people _and_ more cameras than he can count.

~

“Why’d you do that?” Jude asks when they’re in the town car Lionel secured for them at the arena, escaping from the rabid paparazzi, heading towards his apartment. Zero’s numb and barely hears him.

He’s got a sweat-soaked towel around his neck and he’s still in his Devils jersey and shorts.

“ _Zero_?” Jude glances over at him with concerned eyes. “Are you okay?”

Zero doesn’t know _what_ he is - who he is - and he can’t verbalize it. Not without making Jude feel like he regrets kissing him and he _doesn’t_ , he’s just freaking out.

“I need some air.”

Jude asks the driver to pull over once the paparazzi are no longer following them. Together, they stumble out onto the sidewalk. Luckily, they’re in a small alleyway just off the main road and there’s no one to bother them.

“Did you really tell Lucas not to come?” Jude asks.

“Fuck Lucas,” Zero says. “He left halfway through the game. He told me that you guys…you know…”

“I’m sorry.”

That snaps Zero out of his trance and he reaches out, and palms Jude’s face with his hands.

“Don’t be, Jude. I’m the one who should be sorry. I blew it. Told you I loved you then drove you away.”

Jude covers Zero’s hands with his own and pulls them away gently. “Zero, what you did…”

“You wanted a public place, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, but...not like that. Not when it could jeopardize your career.”

“Maybe there was - _is_ \- something I care about more.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, _oh_ ,” Zero says. “Now, let’s go home and celebrate, stupid.”

_*End Flashback.*_

Jude’s eyes widen, “You kissed me at the arena in front of thousands of Devils fans?”

“It’s always about the grand gesture with me Jude,” Zero smiles. “Remember, go big or go home.”

Jude chuckles. “Yeah, I guess it is.”

Zero reaches for Jude’s hand giving it a light squeeze. “That’s when it all started with the paparazzi,” he frowns. “After that kiss, they became obsessed with our relationship and haven’t left us alone since.”

Jude looks down at Zero’s hand clutching his and squeezes back.

“And here we are in the hospital…and you _still_ can’t remember anything.”

Zero shakes his head and releases Jude’s hand feeling defeated, standing up and taking the few steps over to his bed.

He lies down, noticing the curtain usually drawn at night dividing the room between them remains open.

“Goodnight…Gideon.”

Zero glances over, equal parts weary and frustrated. “Goodnight Jude.”


	5. Go Big Or Go Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zero knows he needs to try harder - dig deeper into their past…his past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The flashbacks continue...

It’s been an emotionally exhausting few days of reflection and Zero is spent. He’s not sure if anything he’s told Jude is sinking in. There are moments when Jude seems to be coming around and just when he feels like they are making a breakthrough Jude gives him a blank stare making Zero feel like anvil was just dropped on his head.

Zero knows he needs to try harder - dig deeper into their past… _his_ past. 

+

Dr. Hutchins gives them a clean bill of health despite Jude _still_ having amnesia and releases them into Lionel’s care.

They’re in Lionel’s Mercedes; Zero in the passenger seat, Jude sitting in the back. Lionel periodically glances in the rear view mirror at Jude who looks utterly confused. He’s staring out the window looking like a tourist, amazed at the heavy flow of traffic, bumper-to-bumper on the eight-lane L.A. freeway trying to figure out where he is.

“Jude, does anything look familiar to you?” Lionel says.

“No.” Jude shakes his head. “Where are we going?”

Zero looks over behind his seat to see Jude. “Home,” he says. 

Lionel pulls up to Jude’s apartment building. Jude gets out and notices a dark midnight blue colored Porsche parked out front. He stops to stare at it and turns to Zero.

“Is this the car you bought me when I became your agent?”

Both Lionel and Zero glance at one another looking hopeful. 

“You like it?” Zero asks.

“Yeah,” Jude nods his head and smiles.

Before they enter the apartment, Lionel tells them she’s not staying. She wants to give them some time alone as Jude starts to adjust back to his everyday surroundings. She says her goodbyes, gives Jude a tight hug and kisses him on the cheek letting him know she’ll call tomorrow.

Zero unlocks the door stepping aside to let Jude enter first. He’s walking in slowly standing in the middle of the living room scanning everything in front of him. Nothing looks familiar but something catches his eye. He makes his way over towards the mantle, glancing up at the large framed Devils jersey encased in glass on display and autographed by Zero to Jude.

“Don’t most people put artwork over their mantle?” Jude says with light sarcasm.

“What do you mean Jude? This is a fine piece of _artwork_.” Zero smiles recalling a happy memory of him helping Jude hang it over the mantel.

Jude does something familiar. He rolls his eyes. 

Zero puts his head down hiding a smile.

He watches Jude head to the fridge reaching for a beer and returns to the couch where Zero is sitting and hands him his favorite IPA. Zero is quietly hopeful that this small sign is Jude starting to remember. Zero has a slight grin on his face as he takes the beer and watches Jude take his spot on the couch sitting close to him, their knees touching. They both are quiet drinking their beer, but it’s not an uncomfortable silence - reminding Zero of this unspoken connection between them. Just one of the things he loves about Jude.

Until Jude, he’s never been able to be himself, always having to hide behind whatever persona he had cooked up. Zero wore many masks protecting him from all the relentless intruders wanting a view into his personal life as he kept the painful memories of his past buried deep to minimize the chances of _Gideon_ ever reemerging – his biggest fear. 

Jude broke through every barrier he was hurling at him. The arrogant, cocky, selfish, power-hungry Zero was no match for Jude’s instincts. He felt safe around Jude and subconsciously let his guard down knowing Jude’s brilliant mind would eventually tear down the walls, rip off all the masks and one day meet _Gideon._

Jude is staring aimlessly at his mountain bike leaning against the wall by the front door.

“Are you okay?” Zero squeezes Jude’s knee lightly.

“No,” Jude suddenly turns to look Zero in the eyes and takes a long swig of his beer.

“I’m not okay,” he snips.

Zero puts his head down, clutching his IPA.

Jude raises his eyebrows giving Zero a glassy stare.

“I don’t know what to say, what to do…how to act,” his voice rising. “You’ve given me glimpses into my life, my family, us and nothing… _nothing_ is coming back to me dammit!”

Jude slams his beer down on the coffee table. 

Zero’s eyes are full of worry. This is not the calm and composed Jude he is used to. 

“I may never get my memory back Zero,” Jude’s eyes are cold. “How did this happen?”

“It was the paparazzi,” Zero swallows hard. “I snapped that day of the car accident. I just wanted to get them away from us…thought I could out run them - I screwed up.”

Zero’s head is down, hands draped limply over his knees still clutching his IPA like his life depends on it. He looks over at Jude mentally chastising himself over his poor decision that day.

“I’m sorry Jude…I-I’m hoping you can forgive me.”

All the tension suddenly evaporates from the room.

Jude’s face softens, “You’re not making it easy for me to be mad at you.”

“You never did stay mad at me for long.” Zero grins lightheartedly. “And the make-up sex is always mind-blowing…almost worth getting into arguments with you.”

Jude gives Zero a playful shove and gets up off the couch wincing, reminding Zero that Dr. Hutchins said it would be weeks before Jude physically started to feel better. 

“I need to relax,” Jude says. “Does this place have a hot tub? Do we like hot tubs?”

“Yeah, we definitely like hot tubs,” Zero is grinning ear to ear. “One of our favorite naked activities together.”

Jude raises his eyebrows.

Zero wishes they were back at his condo in the warm soothing water, tightly pressed up against each other - skin on skin.

“Really?”

“Really Jude. 

Zero shakes his head and starts to laugh.

“What’s so funny?”

Zero pulls out his cell phone, scrolls to his Instagram feed and shows Jude the now-famous photo of them naked in the hot tub. 

Jude looks at the photo in disbelief. A crimson red flush creeps across his cheeks.

“You’re kidding me? You posted us _naked_ in the hot tub on Instagram? Why?”

_*Flashback*_

It takes two hours for Jude to find him after he storms out of their couple’s massage (which, in hindsight, wasn't their smartest move). Instead of being relaxed and rested, he's even tenser than he was when the paparazzi ambushed them after the pick-up game. Zero finds himself in his big, empty condo, the only place of solitude he has left. His fancy bathroom is a far cry from Jude's, but he takes comfort in it and runs himself a bath. It doesn't take long for the novelty of the bubbles to wear off and the regret to come seeping in.

He told Jude he regretted kissing him and he _knows_ Jude's probably going over it in his mind, blaming himself and wondering if he's not good enough, but that's not the case.

When Jude shows up, Zero's licking his wounds and not sure how to break the tension.

“I know you're pissed,” Jude begins. “I don't blame you. You did this amazing thing for me and I never thought about how it would affect you too. I get why you would regret being with me.”

Zero doesn't miss a beat with his answer. “I don't regret being with you. I regret letting everyone else in on it. I liked it when it was just us. I don't...I don't like losing that.”

The truth is Zero's been running on autopilot for the past few days, desperately trying to be who Jude wants him to be. Kissing Jude was his way of showing he loved him enough to sacrifice everything. He never stopped to think about how it would affect him either. He's always been a private person, always kept his true self close to his chest and now...it's exposed for everybody to see.

It terrifies him.

Jude looks down at Zero with an understanding expression, “You haven't. Everything we're going through is only going to make more of us not less. We're still in this together; it's still just you and me.”

Zero could tell Jude _everything_ ; tell him he's not sure how his teammates feel. He's not sure if he'll be able to handle the pressure, or crack like a weathered plate unable to bear a heavy load.

He could tell Jude that the only thing he's sure of is that he loves him and he will never regret it.

Instead he tells Jude to join him in the tub and thinks _fuck it_. He doesn't care who knows - Jude's right. It's still just _them_ and they're a perfect match.

When Jude slides in next to him, Zero can't help grabbing his phone to take a picture.

He grins. "This one's for the 'gram."

_*End Flashback.*_

While Jude is completely mortified by Zero exploiting them on Instagram he can’t help but feel a sense of closeness and belonging to him the more he tells them of their past together. Zero’s presence makes him feel safe and loved. They have been through a lot in this roller coaster ride of a relationship. As Zero peels back another layer of their lives together, there seems to be a pattern and, in the end they work it out, ride the wave…calm or tidal.

Bailing out isn’t an option – they’re in this together.

Jude closes his eyes; everything is still a blur as he tries to piece the jigsaw puzzle of his life, their lives together. He needs to hear more about their past even though he senses Zero is having his internal struggles reliving them.

He remembers what Zero said earlier about him being _broken_ and not able to _communicate_ his feelings with words. Jude notices Zero’s way of opening up is _not_ with words, but _gestures_.

‘ _Go big or go home_ ,’ he said.

He needs to help Zero breakthrough his inner turmoil and maybe, just maybe Jude will remember who he is as well. 


	6. The Reveal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Zero and Jude live happily ever after? Or will they have to start over and create new memories...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final Chapter...

Zero thought it would be a good idea to get them out of Jude’s apartment. Being cooped up in a stuffy hospital room for days he missed the open air and running on the beach in the bright L.A. sunshine. While they aren’t up for any kind of physical exercise, Zero takes Jude to get some fro-yo and then heads for the park.

During their walk, they pass a tennis court where a doubles match is going on and Zero notices Jude eyeing the players with curiosity.

“I think I like tennis,” Jude says. “How about you?”

“Jude, there are very few things I don’t excel at. Tennis…well let’s just say it’s not my thing.”

“Are you that bad?” Jude cocks his head, like he thinks Zero’s downplaying it.

“You really wanna know?”

*Flashback* 

When Jude asks Zero to join him for a doubles tennis match with Marcus Douglas, he's happy to agree. Their relationship has consisted of Jude helping _him_ for so long that he's been feeling like he should do more. He's so excited by the prospect it never occurs to him he has no idea how to play tennis. It's not until he's striding across the Pacific Palisades Country Club court with Jude and catches a glimpse of Marcus Douglas's female companion that he realizes he’s going to play an honest to God doubles tennis match.

He wonders if it's too late to return their brand new tennis clothes and spend the rest of the day lounging around in bed.

"I hope that this works out," Jude mumbles under his breath.

_'Definitely too late’,_ Zero thinks.

He tries to distract Jude from his worries by asking: "Is that his wife?"

"His wife's in Cabo," Jude replies without missing a beat. Zero feels a weird burst of pride because Jude _always_ knows his stuff.

He's always five steps ahead, strategizing and planning and yet, he doesn't see how brilliant he is.

If Zero's sluggish during the game, it's because he's busy admiring the way Jude's a freaking natural at this too.

"Zero, the general aim is to get the ball _over_ the net," Jude explains after a particularly bad serve. There's a gleam in his eye that tells Zero that he's at least _half_ -serious.

"Guess I'm used to putting my balls into something else."

Jude's so taken aback by the comment that he misses an easy return shot, his racket clattering onto the grass noisily.

"Is everything alright over there?" Marcus calls. He's been friendly all afternoon, particularly towards Zero. Usually, Zero dismisses people who are in awe of him, but for Jude, he grins and bears it. Besides, the young woman Marcus is with isn't providing much by the way of conversation.

"I'm just giving Zero some pointers," Jude says before he bends down to retrieve his racket. Zero bites back the dirty comment dancing around on his tongue. All jokes aside, this is still business.

"What can I say? I'm not great at tennis."

Marcus chuckles a little _too_ loudly, and later when he tells Zero he sucks at tennis, he hangs his head in shame. Until Marcus points out that he was impressed by the way Jude handled his poor display.

When Marcus and Jude leave to get drinks and talk about the team, Zero smiles to himself.

Maybe he's not so bad at this _support_ thing after all.

"You guys are cute together," Marcus's companion, Nicole, says.

"Wish I could say the same about you and Marcus."

Nicole's shoulders stiffen, like she's on the defensive. "We're not together. He's mentoring me."

Zero laughs openly, not buying what she’s selling for even a second. "Is that what you're calling it?"

"I'm just trying to get by, as best as I can. From what I've read about you, you get it."

Zero considers her words - all the scheming, the desperation to be a star that’s at the top of his game - it pales in comparison to what he has with Jude.

"Look, I don't know what you're getting out of...whatever this is, but I have a... _cousin_ who's around your age and...the best advice I'd give her is that - men are usually after one thing. I'm sure Marcus Douglas has promised you the moon and beyond but ask yourself who's benefiting. You or _him_."

Nicole twirls her racket in her hand and smiles slowly. "You're an interesting guy, Zero. Thank you for that."

He nods, not wanting to probe further - he was young and foolish once, so he can't judge.

By the time Jude and Marcus come back, Zero's scrambling across the court and returning one of Nicole's bold shots. Marcus shakes his hand again and bids them farewell, barely glancing at Nicole who's still packing up her stuff.

“It was nice meeting you both,” she says when she’s done. ”Zero, if you ever want another lesson, give me a call."

With that she walks in the direction Marcus headed in, leaving Jude with a furrowed brow.

"How did it go with Marcus?" Zero asks. "Is he happy to smooth things over?"

"Lionel's really messed things up, but he's willing to put in a good word for us with the board. He said he'll give me a call later. He mostly talked about you, though. Looks like you're turning a lot of heads today."

"Nicole's a nice girl," Zero tells him, "but I've only got eyes for you."

It's comes out cheesier than intended, but it's worth it when Jude smiles.

Later when Jude tells him that Marcus convinced the board to give him and Lionel another chance, Zero's overcome by a strange feeling. It's not the usual hollowness that threatens to drown him if he remains in his feelings for too long. He feels...fulfilled like he's made a difference. It feels _good_ to know he has what it takes to be there for Jude, to support him when he needs it.

"Is everything okay? You're quiet? Are you having doubts about Laura?"

The conversation with Nicole has him thinking more and more about Laura, and he finally told Jude that he wanted to find her.

For years, Zero's believed that he was broken, but now that he has Jude...he's on his way to becoming whole.

_*Flashback Ends.*_

“I guess we won’t be playing tennis again anytime soon.” Jude chuckles.

“Nope,” Zero nods his head. “I’m sticking to the basketball court where my superior skills are appreciated.”

Jude stops abruptly, turning to face Zero looking at him with a soft expression.

“Thanks for being my tennis date.”

“It was no big deal,” Zero says nonchalantly. “If you need me to be the _little wifey_ again I would. Just give me a heads up so I can get in some private lessons beforehand.”

Jude looks at Zero oddly, “ _Little wifey_?”

“Yeah…” Zero laughs. “I kind of nicknamed myself that when you asked me to be your tennis date.”

Jude smiles, his eyes crinkling when he says. “I would have pictured you to be more like the _big bad baller._ ”

Zero darts an intense glance at Jude with caution, remembering that day he said that as Zero went to find something ‘ _big, bad, and ballery’_ to wear.

“I’m the big, bad baller every time I’m on the basketball court, Jude…it’s good to mix it up once in a while. Besides, I’ll make a good wifey…someday.”

He can’t believe he just said that…the thought of marriage to Jude swirling in his head. But he’s _OK_ with that… it doesn’t scare him like it once did and Zero can one day see them as husband and _wifey_. 

Jude shakes his head and grins. “I’ll have to be the judge of that.”

Reflecting on their lives together, Zero is starting to realize more and more how much he has grown… learning to give and not just take; to be more open. He’s just beginning to scratch the surface on these new feelings and Jude is helping him every step of the way.

After the park, they pick up some Chinese takeout and more beer before heading back to Jude’s apartment. They are relaxing on the couch with Sports Channel on in the background and numerous food containers spread out all over the coffee table. The evening passes quickly and after hours of small talk and watching every sports highlight Zero feels himself starting to doze off.

Jude nudges him gently.

“Hey, why don’t we go to bed. It’s been a long day and we both could use some sleep.”

“You mean together?” Zero raises his eyebrows.

“Yeah, why not? I mean you mentioned back in the hospital we share a bed.”

Zero is pleasantly surprised, hopeful that Jude’s starting to remember their relationship.

“Are you sure? I can sleep on the couch if you want?”

“It’s probably best we keep our routine,” Jude says warmly. “Maybe sleeping together will jog some more memories.”

Zero grins smugly.

“Jude, you under me, thrusting inside you, hitting your sweet spot would probably kick start your memory and save us a lot of time with me having to tell you about our lives together.”

Jude rolls his eyes. “Let’s just go to bed _hotshot_.”

+

It’s early morning as the sunlight softly streams through the bedroom windows.

Zero could feel Jude tossing and turning all night and barely got any sleep himself.

Jude sits up on his elbows turning towards Zero. “You awake?”

Zero is trying to clear the morning fog out of his head as he sits up against the headboard.

“Yeah,” Zero says softly. “You didn’t get much sleep last night did you?”

“No,” Jude sighs. “My mind is in overdrive.”

“Jude, what’s going on in that head of yours?”

“Well, you’ve told me some stories over the past few days about some pretty rough times I’ve had…”

Jude puts his head down hesitating to say more.

“Yeah, and…” Zero trails off, hoping Jude will continue.

“…and I just want to say thank you for reaching out and being there for me.” 

“It’s no big deal, Jude.”

“Yes, it is.”

“Hey, plenty of times you’ve been there for me,” Zero says, giving Jude a warm smile.

“Yeah?” Jude’s eyes are a mix of hope and emotion Zero can’t make out.

“Yeah…times when I just tried to keep my feelings buried, I felt lost and alone…and you helped me through it.”

Zero knows the events he’s described so far about their past haven’t been enough to jog Jude’s memory. It’s time to go back to that cold, dark place Zero dreads… a place so painful he’s tried to erase those vivid thoughts he’s kept locked away of _Gideon._ Being abandoned by his mother, losing his sister, and years of Leo and Carla’s emotional and physical abuse of him and the other foster kids.

Jude cocks his head, eyes widening wanting to know more. 

Zero has to dig deep and find the inner strength to go back there _again_ with Jude. 

“Let’s get dressed. There’s a place I have to take you.”

_*Flashback*_

Zero’s not sure why he agreed to this, why he _ever_ thought it would be a good idea. He silently insults his stupid biographer for letting it slip that he grew up in California and not Colorado, like his Wikipedia states. What Jude will never understand is that for him to succeed, he had to create a new identity. The Zero who lived in his dilapidated old house, is not the Zero who won a Championship in Ohio. He's not the Zero that fell in love with Jude. He's just a kid who got so good at running, that he lost himself.

Being back at the house triggers horrible memories and Zero's not sure that he wants Jude to see him at his worst. He's not sure if Jude can handle it. It's easy to slip into autopilot, the way he does when life gets too difficult. He goes through the motions, pushes the words out as fast as he can - but Jude sees through it. When he snaps and Jude leaves, Zero fears the worst. Luckily, Jude returns moments later with a sledgehammer in tow.

Zero looks at Jude like he’s crazy, “Jude, I’m not going to destroy this house.”

“Why not? The house is already trashed and going to be demolished anyways. No reason you can’t take a swing at it too.”

Zero has a blank stare and a white-knuckled grip on the sledgehammer as he looks around the room.

Suddenly all the hate, anger, and fear Zero felt when he was living in this decrepit, vile home as a young boy erupted in him like a volcano as he began demolished everything around him. The worn-out couch he slept on, broken kitchen cabinets never filled with food, the dirty breakfast table littered with losing lottery tickets, ashtrays filled with cigarette butts and the smoke-stained walls - Zero tore into it all.

He’s boiling over with emotion, not sure how to stop his rage as he’s aiming the sledgehammer at another wall with all his weight behind each swing when he feels Jude press up close behind him, wrapping one of his strong arms across his chest up to his shoulders calming him.

Zero lowers his head and lets out a heavy sigh, slowly lowering the sledgehammer; he’s emotionally and physically exhausted. He places his free hand over Jude’s, feeling the warmth and strength of his embrace as Zero feels his inner demons drift away.

“Let’s go home,” Jude says softly.

_*Flashback Ends.*_

They’re in Jude’s Porsche parked out front of the lot where Zero’s childhood foster home once stood.

Zero is sitting quietly gazing at the empty lot. A rush of emotions overwhelms him. 

“I don’t know what I would have done if you weren’t with me that day Jude. I don’t know how to live without you anymore.”

Jude hesitates before speaking. “I’m sorry I made you relive that. I know that must not have been easy for you.”

“I’m not gonna lie, Jude. I never have with you. It was hard coming back here _again_ …but something good did come from it.”

“Really? What?”

“A new beginning,” Zero says eyes shining brightly.

_*Flashback*_

Buying the house seems like a monumental mistake but being able to see it bulldozed and built from the rubble into an actual _decent_ home makes Zero think that it's worth it. He's taking something that brought him so much misery and shaping it into something new, something _better_.

Especially with Jude by his side.

They're sitting together, the day he buys it, with Jude buzzing about potentially taking over the team and Zero feeling somewhat maudlin over the fact that he doesn't want to disrupt his long-lost sister's life with the circus masquerading as his own.

Amid the drama, he realizes that losing her doesn't mean he's _lost_. Not when Jude _is_ his family, his best friend and everything else rolled into one.

He reaches for his pocket, pulling out the key and looking up just in time to catch the surprise in Jude's eyes. It hits him then that maybe Jude was expecting something else...but he's not there yet.

He's confident he will be, but before that happens...there's something else he wants to give Jude.

“It’s the house I grew up in,” Zero says when Jude's gaze takes on a searching note, “Still has the sledgehammer I put in the wall. I bought it. I put it under both our names -- I figured we could renovate it, make that neighborhood the new place to be.”

He's hit by a sudden wave of nervousness and hears himself tacking on an out. “If you want.”

Jude's response is immediate, coming out in a breathless wave. “Of course I want, stupid."

They share a chaste, but sweet kiss, the kind that feels like a promise, the twilight of a new beginning. Zero feels a burst of excitement in his chest and he wraps an arm around Jude and presses a kiss to his hair, smiling because of how _happy_ he feels.

"We're kind of cheesy, aren't we?" he muses out loud. "It's like something out of a movie. The guy gets the girl and they live happily ever after."

Jude pulls away to give Zero a mock scornful expression. "Are you saying that _I'm_ the girl?"

"There are a lot of people out there that would fight you for the honor."

Jude looks like he wants to argue, but instead, his eyes crinkle and he laughs. "I love you."

They don't say it often. Zero's still not fully comfortable opening up, although, he knows that Jude gets it. Jude gets _him_ and he knows how he feels about him.

Still, at this moment, he realizes it costs him nothing to be free around Jude. "I love you too, Jude. And I know I'm not good at saying the right things or showing you, but...one day I will be. I promise."

While Zero expects to see some doubt in Jude's eyes, all he finds is acceptance and love.

_*End Flashback.*_

Jude shifts himself in the passenger seat and looks over at Zero. “That was the happiest day of my life,” he says with a sparkle in his eyes. “You giving me that key so we could build our future home together made me finally feel like I could have it all with you. That we could live a normal and happy life together. You’re my family, Gideon, and I could finally put Oscar behind me, and you could as well with Leo and Carla.”

Zero eyes widen at the mention of Leo and Carla.

“Jude, I never mentioned my foster parent’s names to you…you’re remembering! Your memory is coming back! Do you realize what’s happening?”

Jude freezes, like he’s not sure what to say and Zero’s heart flutters.

“It-um…came back to me the other day,” Jude says after a long pause, smiling sheepishly when all Zero can do is stare.

“I can’t believe it…just like that…,” Zero stops to process what Jude just said. “What did you say?”

Jude clears his throat, “My memory, it …came back the other day.”

Zero is staring wide-eyed at Jude, mouth open but nothing comes out.

“After you told me the story of our doubles tennis match against Marcus and Nicole, it jogged my memory,” Jude gives Zero a weak smile. “Isn’t that great?”

“And you didn’t say anything?” Zero hears his voice rise. “You let me go on thinking you still had amnesia?” his eyes tighten.

“Gideon, I…”

Zero doesn’t give Jude a chance to finish speaking. He angrily gets out of the Porsche, slamming the door and starts pacing the sidewalk.

Jude gets out of the Porsche, positioning himself directly in front of Zero, stopping his frantic pacing. 

“Why didn’t you tell me Jude?” Zero yells. “Do you have any idea what I’ve been going through this week!”

Jude places his hand on Zero’s arm, like he’s trying to calm him down. Zero forces himself to take a deep breath, realizing this is all he’s wanted all along.

For Jude to remember.

“I just…I wasn’t ready to let you know my memory had come back.”

Jude’s hands move upward, gently cupping Zero’s face. Zero stares back at him, mentally willing himself to mirror the warmness in Jude’s eyes.

“Gideon, as you were telling me about our past… I got the sense it was hard for you say how you felt. Instead, you relied on grand gestures. As you were going down memory lane, little by little, I started to get these flashes of moments that happened in my life, our life - of us.”

Jude continues with passion in his voice.

“After you told me about our tennis date with Marcus and Nicole it felt like the flood gates opened and you started digging even deeper into feelings you had buried… opening yourself up to me like never before. I hate to say this, but me getting amnesia wasn’t such a bad thing. I feel even closer to you now than I did before the car accident.”

Zero starts to feel his heartbeat slowing down, “So, you didn’t say anything because you wanted me to open up more?”

“Yes…I’m sorry Gideon.” Jude lowers his head staring at his feet.

Zero places a hand on Jude’s chin, tilting his head up gently. “I was scared you weren’t going to get your memory back...to remember us.” he says softly. “I didn’t know what else to do other than to dig deep and open up.”

Zero pauses, laughing to himself because he never could stay mad at Jude for long.

“I don’t know if I should be pissed at you or kiss you.”

Jude backs Zero up against the side of the Porsche, wrapping his arms around Zero’s waist.

“Well, you know which one I would prefer.”

Jude gives Zero a playful smile and before Zero can utter another word, Jude kisses him passionately leaving them both breathless.

Jude leans back from the kiss to add, “Plus, I’m not so sure my memory is back to one hundred percent, which means we have to make up for the lost time in the bedroom, the shower, the hot tub…need I go on?”

Zero chuckles, extremely happy Jude’s seemingly back to his usual self. “Well, in that case, I guess I can go back to reliving some more of our _activities_ on that front to jog your memory.”

“How about we make _new_ memories instead?” Jude says. “Away from the paparazzi, and anyone else who’s in our business. Just you and me.”

“You and me,” Zero echoes, suddenly realizing just how _stressed_ he’s been over the past couple of months.

Jude leans in close, his breath tickling the shell of his ear when he whispers. “I love you, Gideon.”

“Don’t you ever forget it,” Zero grins, grimacing when he realizes how insensitive his clumsy response is. “Sorry…I didn’t think…”

“It’s okay, Gideon. I don’t plan on forgetting anytime soon.”

“Good,” Zero says with a breathless laugh. “I love you, too. You know that right?”

“I’ve always known.”

Zero smiles to himself, because it’s true – Jude’s always been five steps ahead of him, always known him better than he knows himself.

He looks up, reveling in the clear blue skies and says a prayer, a simple _thank you_ to whoever is out there and a promise that he’ll never fuck up this badly again.

When they get back into the Porsche, Jude’s phone rings before they can buckle in. 

Jude glances at the caller ID.

“It’s Lionel,” he says without answering it.

Zero feels a smirk growing and he turns to Jude. “That gives me an idea.”

Jude raises an eyebrow, like he knows whatever Zero’s planning is _not_ good. “What do you have in mind?”

“I haven’t forgotten about Lionel pairing us up with Derek and Terrence for the charity golf event - she was so smug about it. I want payback, Jude. I say we play out you having amnesia a little longer. Make her sweat it out that you still have no idea who she is…Whaddya say?”

Jude shakes his head. “Gideon, you’re the worst…”

“Hey after what you put me through you owe me some fun getting back at Lionel.” Zero gives Jude a cocky look.

Jude raises his eyebrows. “The only fun I want right now is for us to head back to _our_ apartment and get reacquainted with each other’s bodies again…if you catch my drift.”

“I catch your drift,” Zero grins, never one to turn down some quality alone time with Jude.

“Well, what are you waiting for. Let’s get outta here _hotshot_ ,” Jude says.

As Zero starts up the Porsche, he looks over at Jude with fondness in his eyes realizing what he almost lost and how lucky he is to have Jude once again by his side.

Zero might be all about chasing championships and being deemed ‘most valuable,’ but _Gideon_ looks forward to their future… making more memories where they can _reminisce_ their love all over again… this time _together_. 

_Fin._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With this being my first fandom Zude story and posting I want to again thank Brokenhighways for being my co-author and supporting writer extraordinaire. I very much appreciated all the comments, hits and kudos throughout! It encouraged me to want to write another Zude story. I hope you enjoyed it and the twist at the end. :)


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